“Had we but world enough, and time.”

WARNING: The following post may contain book/movie spoilers of Audrey Niffenegger’s TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE. Do not read on if you have the tendency to rage and abuse those who kill plot lines before you got to know them. Please, I am a tiny Asian girl.

I just thought I’d jot down my favourite lines from the book. All of them from Henry. And yes, because I am a nerd.

 

“I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow.”

“But you know: you know that if I could have stayed, if I could have gone on, that I would have clutched every second: whatever it was, this death, you know that it came and took me, like a child carried away by goblins.”

“Clare I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you.”

“I have given you a life of suspended animation. I don’t mean to say that you have nothing. You have created beauty, and meaning, in your art, and Alba, who is so amazing, and for me: for me you have been my everything.”

“If I had to live on without you I know I could not do it.”

“I love you, always. Time is nothing.”

Everytime a child says ‘I don’t believe in fairies,’ there’s a a little fairy somewhere that falls down dead.

Ok so there’s this Facebook campaign that is calling all the atheists everywhere to come together on the 8th of November to have a minute of prayer to deny God.

Ahh people, who needs to watch T.V. when I get all the entertainement I want in real life?

The description says:

http://atheistconvention.org.au

As you may already be aware, recently the Atheist Founation of Australia and the Global Atheist Convention websites were the target of a significant DDoS (Distributed Denial of Service) attack, which began on Monday 19 October.

This is a call to all non-believers and advocates for freedom of speech to join us in a global co-ordinated minute of prayer with the aim of inundating God (in this context, the Christian god, God, as distinct from the Greek god, Zeus, the Egyptian god, Ra etc etc) with so many useless prayers that it causes his divineness to go offline as as result of our own DDOS (‘Divine’ Denial of Service).

The prayer minute will be at exactly 8pm (Eastern Standard Time) and 9am (Greenwich Mean Time) on Sunday 8 November 2009.

The prayer can be about anything you want (but say it as frequently as possible in the minute we have assigned to ensure DDOS is achieved) or to whomever god you want. Its mostly directed at the Christian god so as to ensure we don’t get too many return to senders from other gods.

10 thousand bonus points to those who can pinpoint what is so wrong here.

 

“If God limited himself only to what WE want and need, then he wouldn’t be who he is.”

 

When you say he doesn’t exist, the only thing that will go ‘offline’ is your heart–not him.

I don’t know, I’m just thinking, imagine if the big crowd who will go to this, turned their prayers of denial into prayers of acceptance, imagine what God would do with that instead.

Break me.

Ok so this is a declaration. One that’s waaaaay long overdue.

ABBIE CASIN:

 

LET GO

of EMOTIONS that are unnecessary: bitterness, resentment, fear.

LET GO

of PEOPLE who are not pushing you forward towards God.

LET GO

of every unfruitful thing that takes up space in your heart.

 

I want to be remembered as someone who pushed for more.

It’s not that I’m not grateful; I’ll gladly acknowlege and accept my blessings.

But I will NOT be the person who settled for anything less.

When God was creating me…

…He was probably crying.

That’s the thought that came into my head one morning, followed by a conversation that was conjured up in my head between God and one of his accomplices, let’s say an angel called…Bob (yeah, creative right?). So through this randomness that I have, which I’ve already accepted as a gift from God, I will strive to know how much he loves me and to be enveloped in that love.

Setting: God’s workshop, on the day slash time slash moment he was creating Abbie.

Angel Bob:

Oh Holy One, what doest thou?

God:

Bob, seriously, we’re having this conversation IN Abbie’s head. You know she can’t keep up with your Shakepearean references.

Angel Bob:

OK, cool. I was getting slightly worried as well.

So, what are you doing? (looks over) Oh. Are you going to create her?

God:

Yeah. Don’t you think she’ll be wonderful and great?! Here, look at the plans I’ve got for her. (hands over the blueprint)

Angel Bob: (looks at the blueprint)

Uhh…God. Are you sure about this? I don’t know…this bit here, look, it’s a bit shakey and inconsistent. You sure you want to do that?

God:

Of course! Remember that time when there was NOTHING? There was just darkness? And then I created the universe, the stars, the sun; and then the birds, the mammals, the sea and everything else in it? Remember how grand that was? Well those are all for her.

I want to do this, I exist for her.

Angel Bob: (stares at God)

Even though the place you’re going to put her in is surrounded by evil and temptations? Even though you know that the pain and disappointment that will be inflicted on her will almost certainly cost your intimacy with her? You like creating beautiful things don’t you? Why don’t you just create another lovely peacock or something better? Won’t she just make you cry? Look at those tears now, I can hear your heart breaking already.

Is it worth it?

God:

You’re right Bob, I do love creating beautiful and majestic things. And that’s exactly the reason why I’m creating her. I can always create something better, but right now, I’m forming the best. Don’t worry, she’s not complete yet. Yes, I know of the risks, I know of her downfalls and yes, I know that she’ll turn away from me at some point.

But I want her to choose me.

(a smile starts to form, eyes show excitement) And when she does find me, when she starts longing for me the same way I long for her right at this very second, then I shall RESTORE her. To restore her and complete her in my love, wouldn’t that be BEAUTIFUL?

So yes. It is worth it.

Learning Law

“Lack of creditworthiness is an instance of inability.”

And so I stopped reading my book on International Trade Law (yeah, I know…). Why did I stop? I am 2 weeks behind my readings, I have an essay due in a few days. I just wanted to bloody finish this chapter, which has already taken me 3 days to read.

But something in me needed to reflect on that sentence. Ok, background on what I was reading: Basically it’s about the legal contracts that govern the actions between a buyer and seller in different countries (at least that’s what I think it’s saying haha). Anyway, so I was on a roll, had only a few pages left and was on that part where it explains what happens when a party is anticipated not to perform its obligations under a contract. Then I got to that sentence:

“Lack of creditworthiness is an instance of inability.”

I had to look this up. What does it mean to be creditworthy? I’m not an entrepreneur but I think in business terms it means a person’s or a company’s ability to meet their debt obligations.

When I became a Christian, I entered an agreement with God; he will do things for me and I will have to do things for him. To liken with the Parable of the Bags of Gold in Matthew 25, the servants came into an agreement with the master when he asked of them to take care of his wealth while he was away. To each of the servants, bags of gold were entrusted according to one’s ability. As the story goes, two of the servants put the money to work and gained more than the original amount and when the master returned, he commended their works and were given MORE. Creditworthiness here, then, thus mean the measure of our credibility to meet our obligations.

So when I entered this “contract” with God, suddenly I was given an obligation to use what was entrusted in me and make it fruitful. And if I carry out this task well, I will be “put in charge of many things” and “share my master’s happiness.” That’s the agreement. Carry out my task excellently, and I will be in charge of more. More? You mean I have to work so I could work some more?

John Eldredge commented, my boys do not do their chores so that in the end they could clean the whole house. They do their chores so that they could do what they love doing after. If I then become fruitful with my obligations, it is agreed upon that I will spend an eternity of joy with God. To share his happiness. And it’s not difficult to know what he delights in. He asked Job, “Prepare to answer me. Have you given orders to the morning? Do you know where light and darkness reside? Do lightning bolts report to you? Can you count the stars?” And on and on he went boasting with pride in taking care of his creations. Now, imagine what honour it would be to be able to share that job with him.

In my book, it goes on to explain that if a party is deemed incapable of performing his obligations, the contract will fundamentally be breached or cut off. On the grounds of anticipation of a non-performance, it will constitute by itself an anticipated fundamental breach, that is, if the party is showing signs that it is not creditworthy, then it is enough to say that it is unable to complete its obligations. If it is unable to complete the obligation under the contract, then the contract is fundamentally breached, severed, broken.

What happened with the third servant in the parable? Because he didn’t do anything with the bag of gold he had, and instead gave back to his master the SAME amount he was entrusted with initially, he was called worthless and was thrown out. John 15:2 points out, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” It’s part of the agreement I have with God; to be ABLE to share the happiness of being in charge of what he is in charge of in eternity, I need to show that I am CREDIBLE to make fruitful the gifts and capacities I was endowed with. I’m not saying I need to prove myself worthy, that somehow I need to gain his love and his trust. Love is given freely and unconditionally by him. And because of that love, he has faith.

I was made in the likeness of God, I was created with the same capacity. I was created to take my place next to him sharing his happiness. But if I just let my talents waste away here, if I never got to know that the bag of gold I have could become FIVE BAGS of gold, would I be able to know what I could add to the splendour of God? Otherwise, my lack of creditworthiness would anticipate my inability and will thus lead to the termination of the contract.

“His plan is for us to develop, as apprentices to Jesus, to the point where we can take our place in the ongoing creativity of the universe.”

Question is, are you ready for that kind of influence?

QuotaTIONS, InspiraTIONS.

This is for my girls,

who in spite of adversity and challenges, still stand and remain strong.

 You give me hope and strength to be the beautiful person

I was meant to be.

Your faith inspires me to go against the current and tread on the way that God has laid out for me .

Keep pushing forward lovelies. 🙂

“Look me in the eye. It’s OK if you’re scared. So am I. But we’re scared for different reasons. I’m scared of what I won’t become – and you’re scared of what I could become. Look at me. I won’t let myself end where I started. I won’t let myself finish where I began. I know what is within me, even if you can’t see it yet. Look me in the eyes. I have something more important than courage. I have patience. I will become what I know I am.” (Michael Jordan Commercial)

 

Please wait here until the light changes.

I’ve never been a patient person. I’d like to think  that I am, and for a while I was in a delusion thinking that I was. But in reality, I have a short-fused temper, and I despise sitting on my ass waiting for things to happen to me while my precious time ticks away. I make things happen when I want them, how I want them. I get frustrated at people who do not take the initiative to do anything and they start complaining that the whole world is against them. The world doesn’t need lazy people like you son, here’s a dollar, go take your problems somewhere else.

But as I’ve realised there are some things that are completely out of my control. And whenever I tried putting these matters into my own hands, I’ve always come face-to-face with failure. It’s been hard placing faith in God. It sounded so easy saying I’m faithful when I was younger, but as I grew older and my desires for certain things grew with me, it got harder and harder for me to let God take over. It’s funny now, what the hell was I thinking asking God to step aside because I thought I could handle it? He must’ve been laughing at me and saying, “Oh yeah? Can you really?”

I’m trying to regain my faithful heart. It’s especially hard for a controlling person like I am, but I am starting to understand how much bigger God is compared to me. And these mountains in my way, they’re NOTHING to him. So I’ll wait. I absolutely can not (even if I tried) fathom how his mind works but I know he’s not just sitting there, holding things out from me just because he feels like it. He’s working everything out. I can’t obviously see the woods for the trees at the moment, but he can, and he knows his plans for me. If I just learn to let go and let God (did I get this from Ally?) I know when the time comes, everything will be complete, nothing will be lacking. How can things go wrong when he’s already said YES to it?

At the same time though, this does not mean I have an excuse to idle around and wait for things to unfold. I presume sitting and waiting,  and going with the flow are just as bad as trying to control things. I put my trust on the great plans he has for me and because I know he’s got great plans, I can’t be the same person as I was and I am now when I do receive it. What can I say when he tells me “These are all for you, are you ready for it?” I can’t be this weakling, stubborn, immature person that I am now. I want to be able to say, “Are you crazy God?! I’ve been preparing for this my whole life, psch, yeah come on, give me your best shot!” I have to get myself ready- make sure there’s enough petrol in my tank, I’ve cleaned my windows, put on my glasses, checked the tyres, adjusted all my mirrors- so when God gives me the GO sign, I can just let go of the brakes and go for it.