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Ate Heids asked me something today:
Ate Heids: “Aemi, Why do you worship?”
SHE CALLED ME AEMI!? What is this?!! (Aemi is my twin sister, if you’re a bit lost right now).
So after we’ve cleared up this little confusion, I was really hesitant to answer initially. First of all, I had an essay to do, if I was to get intense, I’d rather it all be poured out on my essay and maybe get a HD for it. (ha sif!) Second, I was just not ready for that. Something so simple hey…Seriously Ate Heids, really, do you really want me to answer now?!
But I did and it led me back to this revelation I had a few months back (and if you love biology, hello, double bonus for you):
There are two ways (that I know of) to get the heart pumping faster than normal: one is when we exert force such as when we do exercises or any physical activities; two is under situations where we get excited or scared and adrenaline is released. In both cases, your body starts to need more oxygen and so an increase in oxygen level is crucial. To answer to that need, your heart starts to beats faster to get the oxygenated blood from your lungs to get to our oxygen-deprived muscles faster.
And this was the most interesting thing that caught my eye: As our blood flow speeds up, our blood vessels expand considerably to accomodate more blood. When I was reading up on this, I was asking, “God what are you trying to say to me?” It’s so funny; when you ask, he’s always so excited to answer. I was on YouTube that time, listening to praise songs, and guess what song I was led to? It’s this song by avalon called OXYGEN.
HA! Coincidence? I think not! Here’s the chorus:
“You are my oxygen
I breathe You in
I breathe You out
You are my oxygen
You are my love
You are what life’s about”
And so it hit me: just as our bodies need more oxygen, when we desire MORE of God, our capacity to RECEIVE expands as well.
And this is why I worship: when I abandon everything I hold on to and lay myself out there, I cease to exist, and I start living.
My challenge for you guys today, when you worship, do so with your heart pumping, your mind open, your soul screaming and as if everything in you is expanding for more of him.
‘No more running wild, I’M YOURS FOR LIFE, you got me here.’
If only life was a massive SOS camp, where you’re surrounded by passionate people running the same race as you are, every single day, then this would be so much easier. The great thing about SOS camp was that I got away from every form of distraction in the world and I was completely immeresed in the one thing I am most passionate about.
But as everyone else has also experienced, we soon had to face those distractions again.
Ally shared last Friday that the opposition uses even greater lengths to make you stumble, not because you’re weak but because your victory is so much closer. And man, the things the enemy does. All it takes is a little seed of doubt planted in your hearts and that’s it, you’re off the track.
‘Is He making this so hard for me? Why? Is it because He thinks I’m weak? AM I STRONG ENOUGH?’
But HA! to the one who robs me of my value and my passion. This love is too strong, it sustains me. You’ve heard of that saying, ‘Love conquers all’ right? It’s such a cliche, but I’ve always thought cliche’s happen because, if not for the most part, there is some truth in it. Well, I was lost but He found me; I was weak, He made me strong; I was down and He took me higher. If that’s not love, then what is? (Wow Abbie, keep going with the cliches, good job. -_-)
So the world can go on doing what it does, the struggles, the obstacles…but I’m more than that, I am more than the circumstances around me. I’ll just run and keep on running towards the one who got me here.
(p.s. No particular theme in mind? Just rambling and releasing things in my head.)
It’s you.
And I knew where I belonged all along.
No words can say, but these tears exclaim
that who I am is yours,
and I’ll give my whole heart
to the one who loved me first.
Your face,
my brokenness;
your joy
my vow;
“It’s always been you.”
(The other married lady. Hehe love you Ally!)
…He was probably crying.
That’s the thought that came into my head one morning, followed by a conversation that was conjured up in my head between God and one of his accomplices, let’s say an angel called…Bob (yeah, creative right?). So through this randomness that I have, which I’ve already accepted as a gift from God, I will strive to know how much he loves me and to be enveloped in that love.
Setting: God’s workshop, on the day slash time slash moment he was creating Abbie.
Angel Bob:
Oh Holy One, what doest thou?
God:
Bob, seriously, we’re having this conversation IN Abbie’s head. You know she can’t keep up with your Shakepearean references.
Angel Bob:
OK, cool. I was getting slightly worried as well.
So, what are you doing? (looks over) Oh. Are you going to create her?
God:
Yeah. Don’t you think she’ll be wonderful and great?! Here, look at the plans I’ve got for her. (hands over the blueprint)
Angel Bob: (looks at the blueprint)
Uhh…God. Are you sure about this? I don’t know…this bit here, look, it’s a bit shakey and inconsistent. You sure you want to do that?
God:
Of course! Remember that time when there was NOTHING? There was just darkness? And then I created the universe, the stars, the sun; and then the birds, the mammals, the sea and everything else in it? Remember how grand that was? Well those are all for her.
I want to do this, I exist for her.
Angel Bob: (stares at God)
Even though the place you’re going to put her in is surrounded by evil and temptations? Even though you know that the pain and disappointment that will be inflicted on her will almost certainly cost your intimacy with her? You like creating beautiful things don’t you? Why don’t you just create another lovely peacock or something better? Won’t she just make you cry? Look at those tears now, I can hear your heart breaking already.
Is it worth it?
God:
You’re right Bob, I do love creating beautiful and majestic things. And that’s exactly the reason why I’m creating her. I can always create something better, but right now, I’m forming the best. Don’t worry, she’s not complete yet. Yes, I know of the risks, I know of her downfalls and yes, I know that she’ll turn away from me at some point.
But I want her to choose me.
(a smile starts to form, eyes show excitement) And when she does find me, when she starts longing for me the same way I long for her right at this very second, then I shall RESTORE her. To restore her and complete her in my love, wouldn’t that be BEAUTIFUL?
So yes. It is worth it.
Awaken Sleeping Beauty, let me wipe away those tears.
I shall comfort your weary heart, the one filled with fears.
You’ve been numb and broken,
Real beauty’s swept aside
But don’t you know I chose you, you’re my Princess, you’re my Bride?
I know your past is riddled with agony and pain,
An intricate jar that’s been broken, time and time again.
And with this harsh reality, your life has put you through,
I heard your screams of “I give up!” and
from my presence, you withdrew.
I saw you give away yourself to deceitfulness and lies,
The value I’ve bestowed in you were entrusted to blind eyes.
Didn’t you hear me mourn, the cries of my broken heart?
I cannot bear, from you, to be apart.
Now let me take you back into my arms where you belong,
Let me make you whole again because in your weakness, I am strong.
I’ll lift up the veil from your eyes to reveal my glory and my pride,
Because since the moment I have thought of you, you’ve been my Princess, my Bride.
Dedicated to the King who searched for me
when I was lost.
You found me.
This is for my girls,
who in spite of adversity and challenges, still stand and remain strong.
You give me hope and strength to be the beautiful person
I was meant to be.
Your faith inspires me to go against the current and tread on the way that God has laid out for me .
Keep pushing forward lovelies. 🙂
“Look me in the eye. It’s OK if you’re scared. So am I. But we’re scared for different reasons. I’m scared of what I won’t become – and you’re scared of what I could become. Look at me. I won’t let myself end where I started. I won’t let myself finish where I began. I know what is within me, even if you can’t see it yet. Look me in the eyes. I have something more important than courage. I have patience. I will become what I know I am.” (Michael Jordan Commercial)
I’m turning 22 on the 22nd and I’d like to think this is a special occassion since things like this never happen twice. To make the most of this very rare event, I have decided to celebrate my birthday for the rest of week. I don’t know why this gives me great joy, haha, I’m suddenly 5 years old again getting excited over the fact that my birthday is a week long.
But instead of birthday cakes and clowns and balloons and presents, I plan to indulge myself in small things I deprive myself of in my normal day-to-day activities.
I am currently raking my head for ideas; today I was meant to relax in the bath (haven’t had those in a while) and paint my nails. But I forgot we don’t have any of those bubble soaps here. 😦 Maybe I’ll run to the shops a bit later. The rest of my list includes:
1) Going out for a walk
2) Having a fruit-fest =D
3) Do pilates or yoga
4) Go bowling
5) Read a good book in the sun
6) Go out for coffee by myself
I was actually telling God last night of my plans, and out of nowhere, I surprised myself when I asked him to celebrate my birthday week with me. I know, it sounds a bit random, but when I invited him, I felt he got all giddy and excited. hahah So yes! I believe it will be quite EPIC. ^__^
For those who know me, they’ll know how much I love sunrises and sunsets. I still remember the first time I ever watched a sunrise and how it took my breath away.
But whenever night falls, I absolutely fall in love looking at the glowing moon, and it leaves me equally breathless. I think where the majestic sun feels so nice and warm on my skin, I love the fact that I can look at and admire the moon without having to be blinded by it. =D
In reality, there are some things in life that will fail us. If you’re smart, you get back up and try again. Yet, even if you were regarded as the smartest person in the world and even in the best of situations, what attacks our core the most and leaves us in so much pain, is when PEOPLE fail us. When relationships don’t work out after you were so sure it would, it leaves us feeling vulnerable and angry and confused. And in these moments the vows of never putting ourselves in such situations again start to form in the deepest depths of our hearts.
But I just want to say, thank you to the special girls in my life who stay with me not solely because we do things together, or that we have fun (eating lol), or even because we share the same preferences for the opposite sex. XD But THANK YOU, because I know that whatever we do, or however I may stuff up now and heretofore, your actions will be governed by LOVE. That even if I have been let down by so many people in the past, I’m not scared to put my heart in your hands.
Sorry for the cheesiness buttttt…….
I LOVE YOU! *giggles and runs away*
I know we have this bitter-sweet relationship going on between us. Sometimes you can be too sweet for my precious taste buds, you are such a sell-out, many embarrassing moments could have been avoided if you hadn’t devilishly decided to stay in between my teeth, people in impoverished countries slave their lives away just to make you and you never go anywhere but straight down to my thighs. Oh and you can be quite expensive as well.
But I would just like to say, when so much tears I never thought I could produce in one night start rolling down my face, when my broken heart starts to ache so bad that I’d rather them pluck out all my nails and douse them in lemon juice, THANK YOU for never failing to make me feel better. ^_______^
Pointless Lessons 